Back to Article index To print this page, click on the Print icon in your browser.    Stop Tolerating, Start Living   As human beings we tolerate a lot: burned out light bulbs, dirty windows, other people . . . You make choices every day about what you're willing to tolerate.   Think, though, of the life energy you lose when you make the choice to tolerate anything! Your mind is occupied by the "thing" and you're distracted. You may experience physical discomfort or internal upset. Perhaps you react by yelling or, the opposite, by withdrawing. No matter what your reaction is, tolerating is a costly choice.   Instead, imagine your life with nothing in it to cause you upset - no tolerations, relationships that work and an environment of cleanliness and order. You'd have no distractions. You'd experience peace and calm in your home.   "Impossible!" you say? "Nobody can live like that! There's always something going on in your life you'll have to tolerate."   In fact, it's possible and I know many people who live toleration-free lives. (Almost every coach I know is toleration-free and every client I work with is on the path.) Are they happier people? You bet! Was it easy to get to that point? Not for most. Like so many things in coaching, the concept is simple to understand and the process is not easy.   So how do you go about creating a toleration-free life? When I work with clients, this is a place we always spend time in the beginning. Right now you're my client. My first request of you is to make a list of all the things you're tolerating in your life. Include everything, big and small. You may be tolerating things or it might be behaviors of other people. It could be your job or your boss. You might be tolerating your spouse or your kids.   In the beginning of the process, everybody is tolerating something. I've had clients who've made lists four pages long (or more) and others who have only three items on their list. The reality is, if you take the time to think about your life AND you're honest, you can probably come up with at least forty items. My suggestion is to carry your list around with you and add to it as you become aware of what you tolerate in your daily life.   Let me give you some examples of what might end up on your list:   In your work life: Stress Inadequate training No clear procedures Too many hours Co-workers   In your home: Geographic location Messy closets Appliances need fixing Tiles are broken The lawn needs mowing   Your family/community: Kids are messy Neighbors bug you Chores not shared equally Fighting with spouse Being taken advantage of   Yourself: Self-criticism Appearance Eating habits Specific behaviors Health   Once you have your list, my next request is that you begin "handling" your tolerations. What I mean is, do something about them - take some action to eliminate them from your life forever. Go down your list and decide what you want to handle first and take each item one at a time. It is unrealistic (and sets you up to fail) if you expect to handle everything all at once. It took you years to get where you are now and you're a master at tolerating. It will take time to learn a different way. Give yourself plenty of time and space as you begin this process.   As you get rid of things that bother you in your life right now, you will also become more aware of things that bug you as they happen. You will be less likely to "step over" anything. Instead, you will handle what bothers you as soon as you become aware of it. You'll get the car washed when it looks dirty to you. You'll change the light bulb as soon as it blows out. You'll speak up for yourself with other people when they do something you don't like.   I have a client who started working on tolerations before we had our first call. He told me he'd been tolerating a lot of things in his office. He worked in, and on, his office for a couple of weeks and has finally got his office looking and feeling the way he wants it. One of his first comments to me was how much freer he feels having handled his office tolerations!   You have what you need to unlearn tolerating behaviors - just do it and begin it NOW! It's not written anywhere you must tolerate the things in your life you don't like. In fact, according to our coaching "bible," you have an absolute right (even an obligation to yourself) to create a life that is wholly supportive of who you are as a person - without tolerations, without upset, without problems.   Make choices for yourself that will eliminate what doesn't work. Eliminate the things draining your life energy. Make choices that don't add to your baggage. Begin zapping your tolerations one at a time and experience the difference in your life. Your life is your reality. Make your choices, stop tolerating and imagine your possibility.     © Copyright June, 1997. Laura Hess, MCC 702.252.3657