Pot Holes
Have you ever done something,
had it turn out in a way you didn't expect (and didn't
like) only to turn around and do the same thing again and
expect something different? I have and I'd bet I'm not
alone. We laugh about it and use it as the definition of
insanity – doing the same thing over and over and
expecting to get different results.
Not only do we not get the results
we want, we're usually frustrated, angry and even
embittered because life has not dealt us the hand we
think we deserve. We blame everything and everybody
around us for not getting what we want. In truth, what
would make the most sense is to turn it around and look
back at ourselves to see what went wrong. We could even
ask for help and be open to other ideas. Sounds too
simple. So why don't we?
We are a stubborn lot and have a
block to asking for help. Fear of looking dumb or stupid,
not wanting to appear weak, wanting to wear a facade of
total competence, . . . these are only a few reasons.
Instead, we avoid those perceived negatives by continuing
to do the same things over and over.
Then it's such a surprise when,
having paid attention to some advice we've received, we
actually get the results we were after in the first
place. Henry Ford said, "Failure is just a way to begin
again more intelligently." The lesson is: If what you're
doing isn't working, don't do it with more intensity,
find a new and different way instead.
I look at my own choices all the
time and where I might be acting "insane." I'm getting a
lot better at being "sane". It's has been a journey,
though. Behaviors don't change easily for any of us. It
is a learning process over time and we can each choose to
learn or not.
I came across a poem titled
"Autobiography in Five Short Chapters," by Portia Nelson.
It's not new and is right to the point of what I'm
talking about - the insanity we live is a choice. The
poem is about walking down a street, falling into a pot
hole and repeating the behavior until, finally, the
author chooses another street to walk down.
We are all at choice - all the
time. Sometimes we avoid and hide from our power of
choice. Hiding doesn't change anything, though. If you
want something to be different in your life, you must
choose differently.
How?
Like so many things, the answer is
simple, not easy. You just do it!
This first step is to recognize
what's working in your life and acknowledge it. No matter
what's happening for you or how you think your life is
going, there is good to be celebrated. Do it.
Next, look at what's happening in
your life that you don't like. Is it the result of you
doing the same thing over and over and expecting a
different result? This could be true whether we're
talking about relationships or situations you're in.
The questions then become: How long
are you willing to keep doing the same thing over and
over and live with the consequences you're not happy
with? When are you going to be ready to make a different
choice?
It's simple to say, "I'm ready now.
I don't want this in my life anymore." It's logical to
want to do something about an unwanted situation or
relationship. Deciding is the easy part. Now comes the
work. Once you know what it is you don't want, look at
the choices you've made to create the situation. Is it a
repeating pattern? Does the same thing show up someplace
else in your life? Are you expecting somebody else to
"fix" the situation? What is it you want
instead?
Now, map out a game-plan for
yourself. Define what you specifically don't want in your
life. Describe what it is you do want. Start with just
one thing - I want you to win at this. Taking on too
much, thinking you can change your life overnight is a
huge over-promise and sets you up for more frustration
and disappointment. Let's use a common example: you want
to change your eating habits so much so you can feel and
look healthier. What you don't want is to continue making
unhealthy eating choices - fast food, fats, junk, lots
and lots of anything, etc.
There is no magic formula for
making this work. It is a process of your creation.
It's clear eating is a repeating
pattern (and probably one that shows up in other places
and in different ways.) Start paying attention to the
choices you make throughout the day - the emotion and
motivation behind your eating. What do you get from it?
Have an intention each morning to notice the truth of
your choices and to change them. Know what you want to be
eating and, especially when you notice yourself falling
into old patterns, tap into your own energy of what you
really want fo yourself and choose
differently.
That's it.
Give yourself space. Old habits,
patterns and behaviors die hard. This is not a fast
process. No matter what you're changing, the process
takes time. Be kind to yourself throughout. When you
slip, don't beat yourself up with harsh words.
Learn to see the pot holes, stop
acting "insane" and enjoy a more peaceful and fuller
life. It is all in your choice.