Back to Article index To print this page, click on the Print icon in your browser.   The Magic of Attraction (. . . or Is It?)   What is this thing called attraction? How does it happen and where does it come from? Why do some people just seem to be naturally more attractive than others? What is the secret and where is the magic?   In truth, there is no magic to how attractive you are or are not. Attraction is a matter of choice - your choice to become a human being versus a human doing. If there is any secret, that's it!   At some level, I work with all my clients on their own attractiveness. Even if we don't use the word - the path is the same. At a very basic level, attractiveness begins with you becoming very clear about who you are: What do you believe? What are your core values? How well are you taking care of yourself? How do you treat other people in your life?   How you answer these questions will indicate specific areas of your life to focus on and enhance.   There are seven ways of being, or things to have, in your life and this is where I focus with clients. There is no special order in this listing. There is no requirement to have all of one thing in place before moving on. In fact, becoming more attractive is an integrated process requiring you to work on all areas at the same time.   1. Show You Care. People are attracted to people who demonstrate sincere caring about them and their lives. As an attractive person, you touch and connect with other people in big and small ways - from smiling at a stranger to hugging a loved one to taking a friend to lunch "just because." You are not afraid to compliment and praise and you give both freely. You are able to see a bigger picture for others and are willing to share your vision with them. People gravitate to you because they want to hear what you have to say; they want what you've got. What you've got is a way of caring for and about others.   2. Be Somebody. This doesn't mean to have a title, be famous or accomplish great things. Each of us is already great in our own unique way. Being somebody means taking a stand for yourself. You are on a path to continually grow and improve your life and are willing to make changes. You live a balanced life - you have all the time you need for your work, your family, your friends and your self. You care enough about yourself to become a master at your trade, career, profession or job. You are a Problem Free Zone (PFZ.) PFZ is an attitude about how you handle the things that come up in your life. As a PFZ, what is a problem for most, for you is just a detail to be handled.   3. Be Able to Dance. In dancing, there is a leader and a follower. The lead often passes between partners. Dancing, good dancing, involves fluid movement between two people and requires trust, flexibility and respect. Relationships are no different. Your ability to "dance" with others changes your attractiveness to them. You are more able to respond to their needs, wants and desires (and to have them respond to yours.)   4. Further the Action. As an attractive person you are not satisfied with the status quo. You always want to be moving forward yourself and to be moving other people forward, too. You are always unconditionally constructive in speaking. You speak in tones that are non-confrontational and non-threatening; tones without high emotion. You are not afraid to make big requests of people when you are able to see possibilities for them they can't see. You allow plenty of space for people to say "no" to you and to move at their own speed. There are no demands, only caring and loving requests.   5. Deliver it All. One of the simplest concepts to attractiveness is to underpromise and over-deliver. Making promises is easy. Keeping them is not always. Attraction means you keep your promise 99% of the time (the other 1% of the time you fully inform the other person when you cannot keep your promise) and consistently deliver more than you promise. More, you anticipate the needs of others and satisfy them before they even have the opportunity to ask.   6. Have a Community. You are already surrounded by hundreds of people - some you know well, others only in passing. As an attractive person you have a community of choice. You have a network of 100 (+/-) experts you can call on at any time and who you happily share with other people in your life: Friends with whom you enjoy warm times regularly and a family that is loving and supportive always. Family may be family of blood or choice. The key is that your "family" is loving, nurturing and unconditional in their support.   7. Be a Model. You walk your talk. It's not enough to want more for others without wanting for yourself. It's not enough to do for others if you don't do for yourself. You demonstrate the principles of attraction effortlessly. It's who you are.   Attraction is magic - magic you create. It happens from the inside out and it's your choice. It's your way of being, your way of putting people first, your way of sharing yourself that makes you attractive. Think about your life and how you live it now. Where are you not as attractive as you want to be? What can you do, NOW, to change that? Imagine your life of attraction - where you have all the money, opportunities and love you want when you've become a magnet for those things. It's possible.     © Copyright November, 1996. Laura Hess, MCC 702.252.3657